Friday, September 30, 2005

There are many things that I like about the end of the month, along with a few things that I dislike. For starters the whole having a paycheck to apply to my account is a definite good, and seeing as my account is with the same bank that I go to on a daily basis it is possible to get part of my check cashed while depositing the rest. Whatever I cash gets used right away, mostly on utility bills like electricity, phone, cable and internet. You can’t imagine the relief of paying your bills before the due date and avoiding the late fees that the companies are eager to apply to the next bill. The majority of my recent deposit is applied to other little areas like groceries and maybe something trivial like ordering a large pizza from Pizza Hut or the Mega Meal from KFC (both of these can last me well into the middle of the following week).

The following weekend I may step out to look for new books and stuff, seeing as I have a few coming from sometime next week (used purchases) and near the end of the month (new purchases but will be delivered late because one of the books will not be available until the 25th October) I will not be patronizing R.I.K. or Nigel R. Khan’s anytime soon. This time I’m really going to try and save, actually I’m considering starting another bank account with another local bank. There is one right next to the bank that I go to nearly every day; and they have the deposit system where you do not have to stand in line, instead you can fill out a deposit slip and place it and the cash/check into a self-sealing envelope, and deposit it into one of their secure deposit bins/boxes.
As for the downside of the end of the month……..crowds at the bank. This morning I left the store around 8am on the dot, by the time I got to the bank there was already a line halfway down the que. Actually this was not so bad, there have been times when the line has reached up to the door. But this morning was not too bad, there were more tellers in the booths so the line was moving along quickly and smoothly. That was until this mad ass walked into the bank yelling some gibberish and stiking up the place. Dude’s B.O. and Bad Breath had the effect of a CBW (Chemical and Biological Weapon). On top of that, this goodly gentleman had the nerve to ask me some non-sencial question, I ignored him, and thankfully was called to one of the tellers. By the time I left the bank, he was still wandering around talking like some nut job. I was actually wishing that the security guards would get trigger happy and put one between his eyes. No such luck.

Once again I was gald to get out of the bank with cash in hand and the rest in my account. Payed off my cable and phone bill and have some left for tomorrows events. Will write more about that at a later time.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Interesting Sayings

I came across the following list last Sunday in the supplement of one of my local papers. I find them quite interesting and funny at the same time, I hope you enjoy them.

1. Birds of a feather flock together, and crap on your car!
2. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look. For instance..wrinkles aren't painful.
3. When I'm feeling down, I whistle. It makes the neighbour's dog run to the end of his chain and choke himself.
4. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
5. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
6. A penny saved is a government oversight.
7. The real art of conversation is not ony to say the right thing in the right place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
8. The older you get, the tougher it is to loose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
9. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
10. He who hesitates is probably right.
11. If you think there is some good in everyone, you haven't met everyone.
12. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
13. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he/she can tell when he's/she's really in trouble.
14. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
15. The mind is like a better when its open.
16. The difference between a rut and a grave is the depth and length.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Secret Fear 2

By the way I forgot to mention in yesterday's posting. I did have girlfriends, the first I met when I was 13 and we became a couple when I was 15 and in 4th form. We were together for one year and four months. However, in that entire time we hardly saw much of each other; her mom was really strict and was often grounding her for some of really small things.In the entire time that we were involved we went on two occasions (Air Show and her School bazar) and had to meet secretly after school on two occasions. Her moving overseas was what put an end to our relationship. I met my second girlfriend when I was sixteen (on the rebound from 1st gf) and was a junior counselor at a vacation camp. I had seen her around at the mall and stuff; and found that she was gorgeous. She had the same affect that most attractive women had on me, hart would race at a mile a minute, my stomach would twist in knots, my hands would shake and I would have no idea what to say. Whenever she looked my way I would either duck down, hide behind one of my friends, or if I was out by myself high tail it to another part of the mall. I got an introduction through a friend of mine, or more like she made him introduce us. We were together for three moths before she dumped me for some dude that worked as a conductor on a maxi taxi (24/12 seater bus). My single streak was last into my Senior Year of college. In both cases, they were the ones that made the first move and initiated contact which to involvement.

Anyhow, after completing exams and escaping with only a few injuries from angry hot gorgeous Chinese girl. I opted to take some time off from school, and choose to start my application process to Colleges in the US. Unlike most of my friends who were either in school or working, I was at home doing nothing much. Which of course was no way to draw the attentions of the ladies, no way any of them would have given me the time of day. Sure I was applying to schools overseas, but that did not mean much to them. So from September of 1991 to July of 1992 I became something of a hermit. When I did venture out and came across attractive females in the immediate vicinity, I would head for somewhere else or wait until the left the store that I was waiting to go into.

My acceptance to a four year liberal arts College in the catholic tradition was a boost to my self-esteem. I ran into angry hot Chinese girl's younger sister and mentioned it to her; which I eventually regretted and had nightmares that she wound up at the same college and made my life a living hell. Thankfully she never showed up. Apart from being anxious about heading off to a school in a part of NY that I had never been to much less heard of, how I was going to do academically, and if I would fit in with the other freshmen. I was also nervous about the women that I would be encountering at the school. During my time there by some mysterious grace of the supreme being I developed friendships with several females, some of whom I still hear from today. Granted at first I found it difficult to walk up to them an introduce myself, but from either having classes together, being involved in the same clubs, living in the same residence hall etc made it easy to meet and get to know them better. Somehow at ****** it was not that difficult to speak to women, granted there were the snobs and the *******, but all in all it was not all that bad. I still had the occasional panic attack around the attractive ones that I admired from a distance whenever they were nearby. I actually wound up dating one of them for a few months, unfortunately being a senior and getting involved with a freshman girl (now that I've had time to look back at it) was not such a good idea. Ending it with her allowed me to partyup a storm my last semester with my friends, and I even took a really special ******** college sophomore to my senior ball.

When I returned home I found that:
1. Women here claimed that they were looking for a really nice guy, but were running down the a******s, jerks, moronic and the brain dead.
2. Being in possession of a Bachelor of Arts in History and English from St.**** ****** College, having intelligence, manners, common sense, common courtesy and a degree of modesty is not enough to impress these women.
3. The jerks and a******s get everything handed to them, while the rest of us have to work hard.
4. When the jerks and a******s mess up, women here will lump all men in the same category...AS DOGS...

Since then, I've given up on the dating game and withdrawn/taken myself off the playing field and placed myself on the bench. I've made a few attempts, but have been shot down everytime for a jerk with money, a car and bling. Whenever I come across a squad of attractive women out and about, I walk by rather quickly before the can catch a glimpse of me. On my way to and from work my face is hidden behind a book. Not because I'm really into the story (actually most of the time yes), mainly because I'm doing my best to avoid contact with the attractive women sitting next to me. Even if I were to try to initiate a conversation with her, what would I say? Even at the bank on the odd chance that I have to go to one of the really cute tellers, all that I can do is to hand over the deposits and look down at the counter until she hands the deposit book back to me and quickly hurry out of the bank.

As friends and classmates from elementary, high school and college are getting married and starting families of their own. I look at my life and wonder if this is how its going to be for the rest of my life. Go to work Monday to Friday, come home, watch TV, read, go to sleep, get up and do the same thing all over again. As for weekends, two days of reading and watching television, wanting to go places but having no one to go with. Guess the fear of women that I had back when I was younger has returned, maybe it will end and the slump in my social/dating life will pick up. If so when? And how much longer will I have to wait and endure? Thank God for good novels and television shows.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Secret Fear

The other day I saw something that reminded me of particular moments in may past. Picture this if you will, three attractive youngwomen from one of the leading all female high schools walking along a relatively narrow pavement and not too far behind them was a youngman from one of the all male schools. Estimated age of them all, somewhere between 15 to 17. The three youngwomen were taking their own sweet time walking, judging by their slow pace and the fact that they seemed to be engaged in an interesting and riveting conversation. The youngman looked as though he was in a hurry to get to his after school lessons class, unfortunately his attempts to get by the three school girls were being thwarted with every attempt. If he went to the left, they would drift to the left; if he went to the right they would drift to the right.

And so it went until finally out of frustration he had to walk into the traffic congested street to walk around them. However, the girls who had been aware of his attempts to get by them noticed his triumph in passing which was short lived. As one of them said something out loud which caused the guy to hand his head really low and hurry away even faster on his way; wile the three girls laughed uncontrollably at him. It's incidents like this that sometimes lead scar guys psychologically, that they eventually develop a fear of women. It may sound weird, odd or even strange; but past experiences with females can often lead to a fear of the opposite gender among guys. It could be a simple thing like walking by a bunch of girls and accidentally tripping and falling right in front of them, while they may get a kick out of it, the dude is damn near traumatized and will probably avoid that particular spot for a long time. Or it could be from asking a girl to dance at a party and being humiliated in front of his and her friends when she says"NO!".

I just turned 32 about a week and some days ago, and even now I still feel the occasional stabs of panic and fear around attractive women. I guess it started around age twelve when I transferred from an all male high school to a co-ed school. Prior to that the only co-ed school I had ever attended was a small private school. At the time though I was waaaaaayyyyyy too young to know that someday I would be attracted to those silly girls. For the moment, they were the people in my school that I would sit in class with, eat lunch with, chase around the playground etc.

My first day at BHS was nerve racking, but what shot my anxiety level up further was when my dad pointed out the girls that were students at my school. It ook a while, but in a matter of weeks I was acclimatized to the whole co-ed thing. The fear thing would occur whenever any of the really cute, hot, gorgeous girls at the school would be somewhere within my vicinity or if I had to walk by them. One particular occasion that stands out from that time occurred when I was twelve. I was on my way back to school after going home for lunch and this really cute Sixth former and her friend were walking towards me on their way to the shop. At the time I was in between entrances to the school, and turning around to get to the one by the tennis court would have seemed to obvious. In panic, I crossed over to the other side of the road, the entire time I was looking down at my much in need of cleaning sneakers. Which was not what I should have been doing because I failed to notice said female crossing the road and planting herself right in front of me. Apart from being cute and older than me (by about six years) she was also shorter than me, so when I noticed her feet and started to look up my view feel upon a pair of brown eyes above a cute nose and a smile. She did not seem to be mad or as though she was going to humiliate me in any way shape or form, but in my awkwardness I mumbled a quick excuse me and quickly dashed off to my class. The last time I saw her was during Christmas break of my junior year, she reminded me of that incident and asked why I was so afraid of her? I told her that I did not know why, summoned it up to being intimidated by beautiful women or something like that.

A few years on and I was seventeen and attending a private school to re-take some subjects for exams. My school was not too far from an all girl convent school, on mornings I would pass by the occasional student on my way up the hill to school. On afternoons we were dismissed a good forty minutes before them, by the time they got out and started to make their way down the hill I was halfway to POS and on my way to lessons. On this one particular occasion I had the misfortune of being kept back in school, and by the time I started to make my way down the hill it was carpeted by squads of convent girls. Getting by them was like running an obstacle in the military while trying not to be seen or noticed. Unfortunately there was this trio that I had overtaken who somehow noticed me and said the following:
girl1: Which one of those guys in front you think is cute?
Girl2: I'm not too sure
Girl3: To be quite honest I like the two on the ends
Their laughter tipped me off that they were talking about me, and as I was the only guy walking in front of them, it meant that none of them found me cute. Right away I hit full warp speed and speed walked down that hill to put some distance between myself and them. For the remainder of my time at that school, I made damn sure that I never wound up getting kept after school, and I also perfected the art of speed walking down the hill to get me away from the area before the convent girls got out of school. I've told friends about it and even they found it hilarious.

During that same time I was in an aftershock lessons class for Math, Principles of Business and Geography. There was this one hot Chinese girl in the class who for some unknown reason choose me as her personal venting object. She would lash out at me without any provocation whatsoever, I'm talking stuff that would make a Marine blush. I used to dread the Math only days (Monday & Wednesday) because that meant seeing her and incurring her rath. I used to do my best to either blend in with the surroundings and somehow become invisible. No go! Thanks to my teacher who would often call on me, she would always notice me and bombard me with insults. Her reign of terror did not end there, somehow she wound up in my nightmares. Some say that she only did it because she liked me, yeah right! No way that could have been a form of attraction. Fatal attraction maybe! I have not seen her in years, if I were to see her tomorrow I would ask her:
(1). What did I do to make you hate me so much?
(2). How have you been and what have you been up to?
(3). What did I do to make you hate me so much?

Stay tuned for tomorrow's entry when I'll cover pre-college, college and the post college years.

Catch you then!


People are unreasonable, illogical and self centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do god anyway.

If you are successful. You win false freidns and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you've got

Friday, September 16, 2005

Who Am I???

You must be wondering how I am? Well, I'm a citizen of the twin island republic of Trinidad and Tobago. I graduated with a Bachelor of arts in History and English from a college in upstate NY. To be more specific the school is on the outskirts of Rochester NY, and the first time I ever saw the place was the day that I moved onto campus. I currently work within a business that was created by my mother and step-father, but am looking to branch out into my own in an area that I'm most interested in.

In case you are wondering that area happens to be Novels, Comics, Magazines, Board Games, Video Games, DVDs etc. There are a handful of people here that do specialize in the business field that I want to go into, but they are either hard to find or they do not necessarily have a physical structure for their business. I intend to have a physical strcutre located in an area that is easy to find and get to. I am still in the process of searching for suppliers, funding and a location for the business. Stay tuned for updates on how the search is proceeding.

Till next time!

Thursday, September 15, 2005


Hi out there! Just making the first input in my venture into the world of blogging. Stay tuned for more .