I came across the following list last Sunday in the supplement of one of my local papers. I find them quite interesting and funny at the same time, I hope you enjoy them.
1. Birds of a feather flock together, and crap on your car!
2. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look. For instance..wrinkles aren't painful.
3. When I'm feeling down, I whistle. It makes the neighbour's dog run to the end of his chain and choke himself.
4. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
5. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
6. A penny saved is a government oversight.
7. The real art of conversation is not ony to say the right thing in the right place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
8. The older you get, the tougher it is to loose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
9. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
10. He who hesitates is probably right.
11. If you think there is some good in everyone, you haven't met everyone.
12. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
13. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he/she can tell when he's/she's really in trouble.
14. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
15. The mind is like a parachute...works better when its open.
16. The difference between a rut and a grave is the depth and length.