Hooking up with/trying to hook up with a friend is not always such a good idea, especially when alcohol is involved and all inhabitions are for the most part removed. My friend Girly Girl has been single for six months following the end of a relationship with her boyfriend of nine years. She transferred in SJFC at the start of the Spring Semester of 1996, the boyfriend that she had the really long relationship with lived on my floor and was a friend of mine. I can't recall when we first started talking, her earliest memory of me was from one of the Friday/Saturday night get togethers that were hosted in the room that I shared with my friend and roommate, I was doing my part to cleanup after everyone so that there would not be too much of a mess at the end of the party.
From what I'm getting from some of her blog entries, guys who she has been friends with for a number of years have declared open season on her and have been coming onto her like she was the last woman on Earth. It's almost as though they received a signal saying "He's out of the picture and out of the country, move in, move in, GO, GO, GO!!!!" If they were real freinds they would not be acting this way. As a male I too have several female friends that I have been attracted to back when I first met them, however, I eventually came to realize that is was better to have them as friends than as nothing at all. I've the experience of being the one pursued by someone who wanted more than what I was willing to give.
During my three quarters at the Business School in New Jersey, I made the acquaintance of a just out of high school female, who was abit of a loaner within the residence hall. She used to hang out with another female friend of mine, and we had a Computer Information Systems Class together. When the second quarter rolled around, our common friend had already decided not to return, and she kinda latched onto me. I found it weird at first, but being the good natured, kind hearted person that I am, I did my part ot be civil and friendly to her when others were being downright cruel. We had two classes together, which was not too bad at first. Until she switched seats to be closer to where I was sitting. I found it weird, but choose not to take it on too much. Then came the invites to dinner at her house, to go to some movie that I was not interested in seeing, sending me instant messages while I'm chatting with someone else, standing around while I was talking to someone else about something that did not concern her.I even got an invite to spend my one week off from school at her summer house on the shore; even after I told her that I was going to my relatives in Long Island, more like I wanted to go to my relatives. She still kept on pestering me about it.
Third quarter was where things got a whole lot more uncomfortable, as she was in every single class that I was enrolled in, there was no break from her except when I went to my room, or when I went to my roommate's house for dinner and stuff. On one occasion I was goofing around with a girl from Macroeconomics class, when she came up and said," If you're trying to make me jealous I suggest you not do that!" That was where the red alert in my brain went off. For the remainder of the quarter I did my best to limit my contact with her outside of class. Once class was over I would head to my room, or hide out in someone else's room to get away from her. She wanted more than just friendship from me, and that was all I was willing to give. Her overbearing presence scared away a few potentials (this I did not find out about until after I left the school). When it became obvious to her that I was not interested in her, she started to get pissed off at me for no reason. On one occasion, I warned her that she was driving to fast and a bit reckless and she darn near cussed me out over it. Thankfully, she was moving off of campus and was heading home later that day. After helping her move out her stuff I said "Goodbye" and quickly walked away.
Goodfriendships are way too valuable to waste/mess up by getting involved. If it does not work out, it will make returning to friends really difficult. So, if you value your friends that are of a different gender; keep it friendly. If you two are meant to be more than friends, it will happen but not before its time. So don't rush it.